Playing with Fire
by Lucy May
Summary: Tohma's strict personal boundaries are put to the test when he finds that loneliness can sometimes bring together the most unlikely of bed-mates. Tohma/Hiro
1. Chapter 1

disclaimer: Gravitation and its characters are the property of Maki Murakami.

_A/N: A rather unconventional pairing, but I do hope you'll give it a chance and enjoy it. Please let me know what you think. I haven't submitted anything in years, so I'd love feedback very much. Love, Lucy May _

It's the end of another long day, technically the beginning of the next one, and there's nothing else for it than to go home to another empty place. Well, this one isn't entirely empty. Another ghost haunts the halls these days. I can almost feel his presence, lately the only other one within my silent fortress.

I've seen his regret in side-long glances, his pain in being so close but never close enough in those forced smiles of misleading calm. There is no tranquility beneath those even, steady words, no satisfaction from the sacrifices he has made. You'd never know how he suffers. He hides it all too well. But I know. I watch him with all too much recognition.

But it is nothing so unique in this little kingdom of dashed hopes and suppressed desires I have constructed like some memorial to my own unfulfilled dreams. Is there truly any occupant of this web of persons who is not spinning themselves a facade from the same common thread to mask their disappointments?

Perhaps Shindou. Is it ignorance or an innate wisdom that causes him to walk so naked among us? Yes, there is a begrudging admiration within myself for this child. After all, he has made more progress to correct my greatest failure by stumbling than I have with all my most carefully constructed plans. But this blunt, unsubtle manner of his that has aided his success in so many ways has also had him unwittingly tread upon another. And this innocence that inflicts pain also leaves him blameless and all the more endearing to the heart he has crushed. Life is, if anything, cruel, is it not?

"Still working, Nakano-san?" I ask, peering into the studio door. I can see that he has given up the pretense of working to distract himself sometime ago, however, as the young man sits and stares into the empty recording booth with a pensive look. The look fades to one of neutrality as he swivels around in his chair to face me.

"Getting ready to close up shop?" he asks me with a smile. It is a ritual that has played itself out for many evenings over the past month, evenings where I've wondered how my empty studio eases his loneliness any more than his own empty apartment.

"Yes, I thought I might. It has been a long day," I say. Hiroshi nods, and goes to gather his things, so that we may exit the building together as we have so many times before. We're veterans of the same war, Hiroshi and I.

"They should be coming back tomorrow," Hiroshi says, shouldering his guitar bag.

This surprises me, and I am briefly caught off guard as the unspoken dialog that has gone on between us these four weeks finds a voice. Yes, the taboo subject that is always just beneath the surface of our thoughts. Eiri and Shuichi were away on what the press so nauseatingly referred to as a honeymoon, a little sabbatical to themselves after all the drama of Eiri's visit to New York. I suppose Hiro is still under the delusion that he's fooling anyone about how he feels about his beloved Shuichi, but this being the first mention of him in four weeks speaks volumes.

"That's correct," I say with a purposeful surprise, as if I had only just realized it. "I am sure you and Shindou-san will have plenty to work with once he returns. You have been putting in a lot of effort to your song writing. I am intrigued to listen to what you've been up to."

Hiroshi shrugs as he follows me out into the hallway.

"I suppose I'd better have something to show for it, hadn't I?" Hiro says with an almost nervous sounding laugh. My, he must be tired this evening, I think, his façade is cracking is more ways than one. I wince, unbidden, though I don't think he notices.

He's afraid of me, I realize. But of course he is. He is a very bright young man.

"Relax, Nakano-san. That was not how I meant it, I assure you," I tell him with a reassuring smile. Hiro gives me a shy, guilt tinged smile in return.

"My apologies, Seguchi-san," he says, then unexpectedly stops, placing his hand on my arm and meeting my eyes. They are bloodshot, but sincere. I might have recoiled in different circumstances. I do like to keep things professional on the whole with my employees. But I suppose these weeks of shared loneliness have rather softened my view of the young man.

"I really do appreciate your letting me come in every night like this. I know studio time is anything but cheap," he begins, but I wave my hand to interrupt him.

"No worries, Nakano-san. I rarely book the small studio you've been using. It is my personal one," I say, giving the hand that has remained at my elbow a quick pat before walking on. "Even the large studios are usually cleared out this late."

"Even, so, I really do appreciate it," Hiro says quietly, as I press the button for the elevator.

"Whether you're exorcising your feelings or trying to distract yourself from them, being an artist is often a fortunate thing," I say as the door opens before me. Perhaps I am a little tired myself tonight, perhaps merely bored with the stagnation of my circumstances, who knows? Either way, I can see that I have gotten his attention as I turn to face him after stepping into the elevator.

"Yeah, I suppose it is," Hiro says, joining me in the car and pushing the button for the garage, while I call the front desk to let the overnight security know that we are leaving.

"Is it the same for ruthless businessmen?" Hiro asks, once I've put my phone away, looking me in the eye with a small smirk on his lips. Has my statement really dismissed his fear so easily? Bright, but still rather unworldly, it seems.

"I am an artist, too, Nakano-san," I remind him, avoiding answering his question. "I started NG on a whim, after all."

"You work very hard though, Seguchi-san. You seem to take your whim quite seriously," Hiro says.

"I do appreciate your commendation of my work ethic," I say as the elevator opens on the parking garage. Front and center, of course, is my own VIP parking spot. I see Hiro's bike on the far side, though it is difficult to make out. One of the overhead lights seems to have blown. I must make a note of that.

"So do you miss the release of being an artist when you need a distraction then?" Hiro asks as we step out of the elevator.

"I suppose. Though producing is in itself an art. It isn't all just ruthless business," I reply, mirroring his earlier smirk.

"Then why all the late hours lately? I thought you were more of a nine to five guy. You've even been sending your secretary and Sakano-san home before you," Hiro asks. I must admit my eyes widen at his boldness. I realize then, however, the simple tragedy of it all. Hiro is more afraid of going home than he is of me at this moment, and he's using whatever he can to stall the inevitable. Is isn't all that difficult to read another person when they are mirroring your own fears back at you.

"I might ask the same of you, Nakano-san. Why haven't you been in the company of the charming Ayaka-san with all these free evenings?" I ask, knowing full well the answer. Ayaka's family arranged for her to marry into another respectable temple family, not to be courted by a pop star. And certainly not a pop star so closely associated with the gay lover of the man who had humiliated her.

"Touche, Seguchi-san," Hiro said. "You know I'm not a traditional enough match for her. And I'm afraid Ayaka-san isn't really the rebellious type."

"Then perhaps she lacked the fire you needed anyway," I say. If it is a night for bold statements, I will play along with this little game Hiroshi has initiated.

"Perhaps," Hiro says, looking towards his bike with a thoughtful expression before looking back at me. "So, Seguchi-san, I know it's pretty late, but what do say to having a drink with me?"

And with that, it has grown far more interesting than I ever anticipated. I was certainly correct in assessing his wish to play with fire, it seems.

"Will my place suffice?" I ask over my shoulder as I walk to my car.

OoOoO

The penthouse is dark and quiet as usual as we enter, the lights of Tokyo gleaming beautifully outside of the floor to ceiling living room window. I turn on the lights and turn to see Hiro slipping off his sneakers, standing awkwardly just inside the door and admiring the place.

"No one's home?" Hiro asks, cautiously stepping onto the white carpet from the wood floor of the threshold and setting his guitar case carefully by the wall. Oh, so it seems he does remember that I am married. It makes me even more curious at this boy known for having such an unerring moral compass being in my home right now. But of course a broken heart does often bleed one's scruples dry in the desperate hope to be able to feel again.

"Mika hasn't lived here for months, Nakano-san," I tell him. He seems to relax slightly. "She is in Kyoto with her family."

"Oh," Hiro says, and I'm surprised he doesn't question me further. I'm also relieved. The complications of my marriage are just not something I wish to get into right now.

"Help yourself to the bar here," I say, waving my hand at its black lacquered surface, near the entrance to the kitchen. "There's also beer in the refrigerator is you wish. I'll be right back."

I step into my bedroom and head for the closet, placing my hat on its rack and hanging up my fur trimmed jacket. Lastly, I place my gloves in their designated drawer and give myself a once over in the mirror. Luckily I don't look as tired as I feel.

Slyly I return and quietly observe the handsome auburn haired youth as he sips my bourbon and looks through my record collection. He's never openly presented himself as anything but straight. I wonder of he knows the full implications in coming home with me so late at night. I wonder at myself a little in taking him up on the offer, but my motivations are embarrassingly simple. I am bored, mildly curious, and, I will admit it, lonely.

"Do you need ice?" I ask. He jumps a little at the sound of my voice.

"No, I'm fine," he says. I slip past him, close enough to smell him, to feel his heat, and deftly select a John Coltrane album from the shelf by his hip. He watches me closely as I slip the record from its sleeve and place it on the turntable.

"I've never had a record player," he says as he observes.

"Trying to make me feel my age, Nakano-san?" I ask teasingly as I drop the needle in the groove, and go over to make a drink of my own.

"I don't think you've aged a day since the first Grasper album," he says with a smile, and I know then beyond any doubt that he wants me, his gray eyes quickly assessing my face and body.

"I certainly hope that isn't true," I reply, stepping around him slowly with my drink and leading him to the sofa.

He sits close like I'd hoped he would. He asks about the music we're listening to, the music I'm working on producing, hopefully hints at my perhaps giving what he's been working on a listen. And somewhere into our second drink, I decide to make the first move, leaning into that firm, lanky body and pressing my lips to his. He doesn't stall or pretend he doesn't know why we're here, and I'm delighted when he takes control and presses me onto my back with a breathy groan.

I waste little time after that before taking him to my bed. He trembles eagerly as he helps me undress, and I must admit that it's quite flattering. I had my fleeting thoughts that perhaps I was a mere stand-in for Shindou, but there's no mistaking his desire when he murmurs my name and kisses my bare shoulder. I recline on lavender silk sheets and watch him pull off the rest of his clothes before he joins me. It's a wonderful view.

"I can't believe this is happening," he whispers and smiles before kissing me. He's not a bad kisser, but I can sense his inexperience, the way he hesitates as he explores my body with his hands, his calluses from the guitar strings stroking up and down my sides and chest.

I take control for a while, slowing him down before he over stimulates himself, and guiding him, showing him what to do, where to touch and how. I decide it is best if I let him be the one to enter me, as he's obviously never been with a man before.

What he lacks in experience, he makes up for in enthusiasm, for sure, when he is inside me at last and begins to rock his body into mine, panting and moaning as I guide his hand between us to touch me. It's exhilarating to be the focus of all this want, this animalistic need, and I realize how much I've longed for this feeling, how I've craved it, as I wrap my legs around him and pull him deeper, encourage him to thrust harder.

It rather shocks me when I come first. He doesn't last much longer though, and collapses onto me, brushing my damp hair from my face and kissing me with unexpected tenderness, before pulling from me and rolling off to the side, smiling from ear to ear and panting heavily as he looks at me.

"That was incredible," he says, his voice ragged from his vocalizing during the act. "I - I knew sex was supposed to feel good, but damn." He gives a shaky laugh, and turns on his side, cupping my face towards him as his words sink in.

"Was that your first time, Nakano-san?" I ask, quickly adding, "Not that I could tell, certainly, but from what you just said." He nods, and looks down sheepishly. I place my hand to the one at my cheek, and kiss his palm.

"You were wonderful," I tell him, and he looks back at me, his gray eyes seeking my sincerity, and finally accepting it.

I'll admit I am a little thrown by this information. Hiro is an incredibly attractive man, after all, and has his fair share of Bad Luck's fan base fawning over him. It is then I begin to feel a little unsure of this decision, and wonder what exactly this turn of events means to him.

"Is it - I mean, is it cool if I crash here tonight? I'm pretty wiped out," he says with a yawn.

"Well, I certainly have no intention of getting back out tonight to take you home, Nakano-san," I say teasingly. He grins, snaking an arm beneath my neck and pulling me closer.

"Good," he says, his eyes fluttering closed. "And for the love of God, call me Hiro."

OoOoO

I wake up to Hiro snoring in my ear. I can't help but be a bit amused by the situation. It has been a while since I've woken up to find a teenager in my bed.

He stirs as I get up to go to the restroom, his eyes opening just a slit and then widening with a start at the unfamiliar surroundings.

"Sorry to disturb you," I whisper, sliding out of bed. I can feel him watching me as I go to the adjoining bathroom, but he says nothing. I clean myself up a bit before I return, and find him just outside the door. I smile and make a show of leaving the light on for him while he takes his turn, and I climb back into bed.

I retrieve my phone from the nightstand, and send a quick text to Sakano, letting him know that I do not plan on coming in until sometime well into the afternoon, and quickly turn off my phone to avoid the frenzied reply this is sure to bring. Sakano's insecurity in his own abilities is of great value most of the time, but can be rather bothersome on occasion. I'm sure he'll assume that I plan to meet Eiri at the airport.

Eiri. He'll be home today, I think to myself and close my eyes, lying back on the bed. Will he even notice that I am not there, not waiting for him as always? It is doubtful. He has tried in so many ways to tell me that he does not need me anymore, not like he once did, and I have tried in just as many not to hear him. In any case I have already made elaborate plans with the help of K for their return, to divert the press from harassing them. You're welcome, Eiri-san.

The bed dips beside me, and Hiro's strong arms are pulling me towards him again. I open my eyes and gaze into his, dark with desire, and know he is more than ready for round two. I think I surprise him when my body rises to meet him, when I crash my lips into his. This want to be wanted has consumed me, awakened something within me. I lean into him, guiding him down onto the pillows and straddle him.

Our second coupling is as intense as the first, as I ride him. He sits up, kissing me fiercely and flipping me onto my back, entering me again, lifting my leg and the angle is perfect, perfect…

"We really should shower now, but I don't want to move," I say with a sigh, my head pillowed on his chest, our breathing just now stilled enough to allow me to speak. He laughs softly, his chest rumbling pleasantly against my ear.

We shower together. It's strange, sharing this familiarity with this young man I have known for over a year now, but know so little about outside of my observations. Somehow it feels even more intimate than the sex.

"You know, a lot has always been made over Shuichi idolizing Nittle Grasper, but I was always a pretty big fan myself," Hiro says as he shampoos his long hair. "While Shuichi would be drooling over Sakuma-san when we watched your concert videos, I was usually watching you."

"Oh?" I ask. "Not the lovely Nori?" I step aside and let him step into the stream to rinse. I watch the suds slide down his body, my own responding like some Pavlovian reaction now that I knew the pleasure it could bring me.

"Oh, I looked at her, too, of course," Hiro said with a laugh. "But yours is the talent that always intrigued me the most. Among other things."

"Other things?" I prompt him to continue despite myself, with a creeping feeling of embarrassment.

"I never even told Shuichi this, but I always thought you were hot. Like, really hot," Hiro says, looking a little embarrassed himself, his attempt in hiding it all the further making it obvious as he looks away to find the conditioner. "I guess you could say that this is kind of an old fantasy of mine come true, you know?"

You'd think I would be immune to flattery by now. I'm one of the most visible and respected celebrities in the country. Everyone wants a piece of Seguchi Tohma, and they'll say whatever they need to get into his good graces. I even have my own personal lapdog to tell me how talented and what a genius I am at least a hundred times a day. And yet here I am, goading a teenaged boy, my own employee, and admitted fan, no less, to tell me I'm pretty.

And positively loving it more than I want to when he does.

Oh, Eiri, have you really brought me so low? Am I that starved for the love you deny me? I really need to get back my control on this situation.

"So, why did you never tell Shindou-san that you were interested in men?" I ask lightly, as Hiro rinses out the conditioner. He nearly chokes on the stream of water as he opens his mouth, whether in shock or to respond, I'm not sure. He bends double for a moment, and I pat his back gently until he recovers, standing up and giving me a look that is almost wounded, before turning to shut off the water.

"How did - you mean you know?" Hiro asks, his back to me as he leans on his hand against the shower stall.

"Hiro," I say softly, placing a hand on his shoulder, which begins to shake, not from tears but from a self-deprecating laugh.

"I guess you must think I'm pretty ridiculous, don't you? The selflessly devoted best friend, always waiting in the wings and watching another man make him miserable, make him happy, whatever the case, but always being there to listen, to encourage him. I guess I blew my chance pretty hard, didn't I?" Hiro asks bitterly, running a hand over his face.

"Well at least you knew you ever had one," I say, opening the shower door and stepping out into the steamy bathroom. I throw Hiro a towel as he steps out behind me, and pull on my bathrobe, throwing a towel over my hair as I go back into the bedroom. I sit on the bed and look reluctantly at the phone. I have fourteen messages. All from Sakano, none from Eiri.

I make a quick call, and flick on the television. And there they are, Shuichi looking blissful, and Eiri looking grumpy, jet-lagged, and simply breath taking. It looks like the press caught them at the airport after all. Chalk it up to another one of my failures. Hiro emerges from the bathroom and sits beside me on the bed in silence as I watch.

"I've called you a cab, Nakano-san. It should be here in about fifteen minutes," I inform him.

"Thank you, Seguchi-san," he says, and begins to gather his clothes.

Did I expect him to object in any way, I wonder to myself as I watch him go, moments later, receiving a polite bow and a thanks for my hospitality. Did I want him to? I don't even know anymore.

_There is a strong possibility I will add to this, depending on inspiration and if interest from readers is expressed, so let me know. :)_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: I've decided to continue this one, and I would love to hear feedback. This pairing is challenging, but surprisingly fun to write. Anyway, please note that from here on out I will be switching POV back and forth from Tohma's first person to Hiro's third. The switches in POV will always be separated by scene breaks, so I sincerely hope that this flows in a readable way and will not be confusing. - Lucy May_

Shuichi hugged Hiro so tightly he could feel his ribs creak, as they stood in the doorway to his and Yuki's apartment. He'd taken the cab from Tohma's place here, hoping that seeing Shuichi would make him feel better, feel normal again. He reveled in the feeling of Shuichi's small body in his arms, and the sweet familiar scent of his hair for a moment, before sensing he was being watched. He glanced over the singer's shoulder, to see Yuki observing them with an unreadable expression. It had never occurred to Hiro that Yuki knew before. But after Tohma had revealed so casually this morning that he was all too aware of Hiro's affection for his best friend, he couldn't help but wonder. Did it make Yuki feel threatened in any way? Or did he just pity or privately ridicule him?

At least he could be secure in the doubt that Yuki would ever bring up the subject when he and Shuichi were alone. He didn't exactly imagine the quiet and anti-social man volunteering to bring it up. But it still left Hiro wondering if everyone knew how he loved Shuichi except for Shuichi himself. He imagined it made him appear to be a fool in their eyes, and he supposed he probably was one in a way, but Shuichi's friendship meant more to him than his pride ever would.

Hiro reluctantly released Shuichi as he bounced away to show him something or other he had acquired on his trip, happily chatting and laughing while Hiro made an effort to listen.

"Nope, that's not it. That one is for Seguchi-san," Shuichi said, rolling his eyes, and tossing the shopping bag aside, while digging through another.

Hiro absently stared at the discarded bag for a moment, thinking about the fair haired man he'd been in bed with only hours before. It still seemed unreal, even with the all too vivid and recent recollection of the NG president flushed and naked beneath him, untouchable, flawless Seguchi Tohma losing himself in pleasure, calling his name…

"Um, Hiro?" Shuichi said, craning his neck and trying to get his attention.

"Sorry," Hiro said with a smile, and stepped closer.

"Be careful with that, idiot," Yuki said to Shuichi, scooping up the bag. "That liquor I got Seguchi cost a fortune."

Hiro thought of the way Tohma had looked when he'd left him, appearing deceptively delicate as he sat on his bed in a fuzzy white robe, an unguardedly forlorn expression crossing his face as he watched the happy couple's return on the television. Apart of him had felt angry and rejected at the way the man had dismissed him from his home. He'd felt used, dirty. But really, wasn't he being just a little hypocritical? He'd used Tohma, too. They'd both gotten out of it exactly what they had wanted: a distraction from being alone, and to feel desired. He really shouldn't have expected for it to mean anything more, even if the sex had been pretty incredible.

But still, when he'd seen the helpless expression on the man's face, knowing exactly how he was feeling at that moment, he'd felt the strongest urge to hold him again, an urge that had nothing to do with the lust that had motivated the affair. How many people had ever been witness to a moment of vulnerability like this from the feared and renowned Seguchi Tohma?

"Um, so, where is Seguchi-san anyway?" Hiro asked, unable to help himself, though knowing how strange his inquiry must sound. "It's rather unlike him to not be around to welcome Yuki home." Shuichi looked at him with utter confusion.

"I dunno," Shuichi said with a shrug, and then looked thoughtful for a second. "Yeah, I guess that is pretty weird."

Yuki's phone, which had been dumped near where Shuichi knelt on the carpet along with everything else when they came in, began to ring. Shuichi picked it up and looked at the screen.

"Yuki, your sister is calling," Shuichi called to where Yuki was reemerging from the kitchen.

"Just ignore it," Yuki said. Shuichi frowned.

"But she's pregnant, Yuki! She might need us for something," Shuichi scolded him. Yuki scowled, but took the phone obediently, walking into another room as he answered.

"Mika-san is pregnant?" Hiro asked, feeling sick to his stomach.

"Yeah, you didn't know? I'm going to be an uncle! Well, I guess I did just find out myself right before Yuki and I left, so it's not like I've had a chance to tell you. It's kind of scary thinking of Seguchi-san being a daddy, isn't it? I mean, he's already so terrifyingly over-protective of Yuki," Shuichi said with a laugh. "Of course, Seguchi-san is just kind of terrifying period, come to think of it."

"Terrifying, huh?" Hiro asked distractedly, pretending to be absorbed in an American music magazine Shuichi had brought him, while he tried to process the fact that the man he'd just slept with had neglected to tell him he was about to be a father. Had Tohma meant to imply that he and Mika were estranged last night, or had Hiro only been hearing what he wanted to in his lust-fueled imagination?

"Um, yeah," Shuichi answered, rolling his eyes. "We are talking about a man who would likely smile and speak softly while he stabbed you to death. You never know what he's thinking. I mean, he looks like an angel, but I even think Yuki is afraid of what he's capable of sometimes."

"Oh," Hiro replied softly, turning the page.

OoOoO

The office is running smoothly, nothing is on fire, no one has blown up the building, and yet Sakano is freaking out as predicted. He follows on my heels, informing me of nothing that is really of any consequence as I walk towards my office, tossing off unneeded instructions to calm him. I nod to my secretary and barricade myself behind the door with a sigh of relief. K is waiting for me inside. How he always manages to do this without my secretary noticing, I'll never know. I've even had the outside windows inspected for some breach in security, to no avail.

"So I see that operation 'do not let Eiri-san get mobbed at the airport' was futile," I say and give him a cheerful smile that makes him swallow hard.

"Never mind," I say with a wave of my hand. "How is Eiri-san? Did he make it home safely?"

"I couldn't keep the press from getting tipped off, but I did get them out of there without a hitch," K says, fingering his gun holster with a grin.

"Very good, K. See if you can keep them away from the apartment as much as realistically possible," I say with a sigh. Another day, another headache of some kind.

"Already on it. Say boss, you wouldn't know why Nakano-san's bike is still in the parking garage, would you? Doesn't he always leave when you do?" K asks. I glance up at him carefully, trying to assess how much he knows or suspects. His expression is one of genuine concern, of course. Who would ever believe that Seguchi Tohma had taken one of his employees as a lover last night?

"Hiroshi had trouble starting his motorcycle. I ran him back to his place," I say, shuffling through the papers on my desk, and trying not to wonder too much why Hiro had really not come back to retrieve his bike.

"Hiroshi. Right," K said, raising an eyebrow.

"Did I forget to tell you that you are dismissed?" I ask with a tight smile, trying to keep my composure. To my relief, he takes the hint and leaves.

I look at my phone for a while, scrolling through the numbers.

"Hello?" the voice on the other end answers.

"Eiri's home safely," I say.

"Yeah, I know. We have televisions in Kyoto."

"Oh, you saw that then. How are you feeling?"

There is a long silence. Mika inhales deeply, and I know that she is smoking. That can't be good for the baby…

"I lost it."

"No, Mika-san, you can't mean -"

"They tried to keep me in the hospital, but I left. I couldn't take it there anymore."

"I'll be there by this evening."

"No. Don't come. Please."

"But Mika-san -"

"It wasn't yours, damn it. What do you care?"

"I care because it was yours."

"That's - that's very sweet of you, Tohma. Really, I mean it. But I can't deal with you and this both."

"But I have to be there. Your family thinks it was my child. What will they think if I don't come?"

"Oh, is that what you care about?"

"Mika, that's not fair -"

"I told them, Tohma. They know about the affair, the divorce, all of it, okay? Trust me, having you here would just make everything worse. They practically worship you, and they're not too happy with me right now."

"But I'm on your side, Mika-san. Anything you need -"

"I just need you to stay out of this, okay? Go take care of Eiri. He's the one you really care about."

The line goes dead. She hung up on me. My beautiful Mika-san…

But she isn't mine anymore. I lost her a long time ago.

The hours drag on, as I make calls, sign documents, the usual tedious responsibilities. I cannot seem to hide my distraction today though, as Sakano appears and very apologetically and cautiously calls my attention to a glaring error I made while approving some graphics from our advertising department. He doesn't dare imply it was a mistake, although it obviously was, and I thank him, which seems to make him even more nervous if anything.

Ryuichi calls and chatters on enthusiastically about his new life in Los Angeles, while I pretend to listen. My thoughts should be with Mika, but they aren't, which I suppose is the reason she is soon to be my ex-wife. So what are the memories that have me so distracted while I phone in my work day? A firm chest, a deep throated moan, auburn hair and gray eyes dark with desire…

Yes, one of the most respected and feared men in the music industry is sighing and mooning over awkward, if quite pleasurable, lovemaking from a one night stand.

The telephone startles me from my thoughts, and I am further caught off guard by the familiar voice that answers mine.

"Eiri-san?"

"Yeah. Hey, I talked to Mika."

"I see. Are you going to see her?"

"Hell no," he says, then pauses. "She told me not to come."

"Yes, I as well. She was quite stubborn on that point, but I suppose she knows what is best for her right now."

"Yeah. Anyway, it sucks. It sucks for both of you."

"Eiri-san, you know that the child wasn't mine."

"Yeah, I know," he says softly. "Anyway, you weren't at the airport, so I wanted to make sure you weren't dead or anything since you're usually all up my ass the second I'm back."

"Shindou-san told you to call," I say. I've been pinching the bridge of my nose to making the stinging in the backs of my eyes subside, but now I can't help but give a small smile.

"Yeah, pretty much," he replies.

"Did you enjoy your trip?"

"It was - surreal."

"Isn't it always? Incidentally, you wouldn't know if Shindou-san has spoken with Nakano-san, would you? K was curious as to his whereabouts."

"Well I don't know where the hell he's been looking for him, but he needs to check the studio. He came by to see the brat, then he said he was going to NG."

"I see." So Hiro is here. I suppose there was really no need for anyone to alert me to the fact when he came in. "I'll let K know then. I'll drop by soon to get my souvenir."

"Yeah, I figured as much. The brat's whining, so I'm going to go stuff some food in his face to shut him up now."

"Welcome back, Eiri-san."

I spend the next few hours in the usual way, consulting _Oricon Style_, calling my contacts at the RIAJ, calling distributors, threatening distributors with subtle politeness, sending K out to make some not so subtle threats, making at least one grown man cry, talking to one of my six lawyers, assigning Sakano to deal with three others I do not have time for… Another productive day. And yes, somewhere in all this I may have found a second to wistfully recall a time when all I had to do was make music - my own music.

We have thirty artists signed currently. Each of their managers want to speak to me personally on a nearly daily basis, and roughly all of their concerns are trivial and easily delegated to someone else lower down in the chain of command. At least ten of these artists are requesting that I personally produce their latest album. I haven't had that kind of time since ASK's debut, which feels like a century ago.

And just like that, I see the clock, and know that somewhere in my distraction I have said goodbye to my secretary, K, and even Sakano at some point, and that an empty penthouse and an empty bed await me as a reward for all my hard work today.

And I know that just down the hall, Hiro is waiting for me to send him home.

I stand outside the door for a moment, and peer through the small vertical window. Hiro is sitting at my piano with his back to me, and takes a pencil from his mouth to scribble notes onto the paper before him. This particular studio was one I designed for myself, with every innovation imaginable for self recording and composing. I wrote Nittle Graper's last album here, mostly by myself, and played the recordings for Noriko and Ryuichi in one of the larger ones so that they could add their own touches to the songs. Hiro is the only other artist I've ever allowed to record here, though I doubt he know this. I would never let his destructive little friend within a mile of it.

"I'm going home, H - Nakano-san," I say as he turns at the sound of the door opening. He has no doubt caught my little slip by the way he looks at me. Hiro slides over on the piano stool, and gestures for me to join him. I hesitate, but eventually give in with a sigh. I'm much too tired to recover my dignity right now.

"I'm sorry about the baby," Hiro says quietly, looking at the keys, his long fingers resting on them. "I heard Yuki-san telling Shuichi earlier today. I didn't know Mika-san was expecting."

So I guess we're just going to jump right off at the deep end, I think to myself, wondering what else I expected from the sincere young man. I suppose I had hoped that same discretion he applied to hiding his feelings for Shindou might work to my advantage in pretending last night had never happened, but I really should have known better.

"If it eases your conscience, Nakano-san, the child was not mine," I say, picking up the sheet music.

"Mika-san had an affair?" Hiro asks, looking at me. I nod, keeping my eyes on the penciled notes before me.

"With her mechanic," I say with a mirthless snort of laughter, placing the sheet back on the stand. "It's rather humiliating, but I can't say it was unexpected."

I think about the man who had been sleeping with my wife, watching him from my car at a distance after I'd had K trail her to confirm my suspicions. He was a large, brawny type, dark and very handsome in a rugged sense. The very antithesis of myself in every way.

When I confronted her, she begged me not to have him hurt or killed, and told me about the baby. I wondered just what sort of monster she really thought she was married to. After ten years of marriage, it hurt to know that she didn't understand me somewhat better. I have done things, things that some might find to be a bit, well, ruthless, even cruel. But very little have I done with any reason other than to protect and benefit the ones I love. I offered to cover everything up and raise the child as my own, even after that, and she refused. I assumed she would change her mind once the child was born, but of course now I'll never know.

In the end, I did get petty and bend my own rules. The NG corporation now owns its own auto mechanic garage, or at least the property it once stood on. It will soon be a very nice office building. And the first bid for office space that came across my desk yesterday? A marriage counselor. Funny, huh?

"I'm really sorry," Hiro said.

"It is probably for the best in the end," I say with a shrug. "I think the thing that really bothers me about it is that I have brought any shame to the Uesegi family by not making it work."

And Eiri-san is no longer my brother. That is the thought that hurts the most.

"It sounds like Mika-san is the one responsible to me," Hiro said. "You shouldn't be so hard on yourself."

"No, I cannot place the blame on Mika-san," I say, and stand, making my way towards the door. I've allowed this conversation to go on for too long.

"Do you still love her?" Hiro asks before I've made it out of the studio. I look back to see that he still hasn't moved from the piano bench, and has just begun to gather his sheet music.

"Not in the romantic sense, no," I reply, and turn back to the door.

I decide that it is not essentially necessary that I wait on him as I reach the elevator at the end of the hall, but he exits the studio, guitar in hand as I push the button, and I feel I have little choice. The best way not to be seen as prey is to not make it so obvious that you are trying to escape, but I've already slipped up there. I realize then that I had every intention of getting caught, everything else be damned. I want him again. I cannot help myself.

I allow the door to close and open it again when he catches up with me, and we step into the car as I make my usual call to security.

OoOoO

Hiro watched the effortlessly elegant man as he said a few quick words on the phone, and tried to put his thoughts together before they reached the garage.

He'd done a lot of thinking today in the studio, wrestling with the fact that he had not only seduced a married man, but an expecting father. He had tried to hate Tohma all day, not only for not sharing this information, but for not being with his wife right now at such a tragic time. But this new information he had pulled from the man changed things considerably.

He knew he had not imagined that feeling of sadness he had sensed from the carefully reserved man the previous evening, and the strange unspoken connection they had seemed to make over the last month as they exited this empty building together. And with the same impulsiveness that had driven him to follow Shuichi into music instead of medical school, and to pursue Ayaka even when he knew it was doomed from the start, he had made a move to get closer to a man he used to fantasize about, even if that man was now not only his boss but someone he now knew to have a rather alarming reputation.

And even after the rather cold way he had been pushed out the door this morning, he couldn't say that he entirely regretted it, especially now that he knew that Tohma's marriage was all but over. At the very least, it was a pretty amazing way to have lost his virginity, he thought, smiling to himself as Tohma put his phone back in his pocket. He knew the man was trying to put him back at a distance from him, and that he was taking a pretty big risk right now, but he had learned the hard way about not taking opportunities in matters like this.

Hiro stepped closer, Tohma's sea green eyes widening slightly in curiosity, his breath quickening in anticipation, as Hiro pressed his lips against his lightly. Hiro pulled back and studied his face, caressing his cheek as he swept a stray lock of platinum hair aside and kissed him again, moaning at the hungry response he received, Tohma winding his arms around his neck. The elevator doors opened on the parking garage, but neither of them were paying much attention.

"Hiroshi-san," Tohma breathed heavily in his ear. "You do have a way of making me forget myself."

"Hmm, good," Hiro murmured, nuzzling his neck. "Because you're pretty much driving me crazy right now." Tohma pushed him away gently.

"We can't do this here," Tohma said, glancing pointedly at the security camera aimed at the open elevator. "You know the way to my place now, right? Follow me on your bike."

Hiro bristled slightly, wondering at the need for him to be kept like some dirty little secret, but nodded, heading for his bike. He'd been pretty lucky that things had gone as well as they had, all things considered.

Tohma's apartment building was only a short drive from the NG building, and it wasn't long before they were taking another elevator up to the penthouse. Hiro studied the side of Tohma's face as they ascended. He said nothing, looking thoughtful as he toyed with his gloves, and Hiro wondered what was going on in his mind.

"Here we are," Tohma said with a smile, stepping from the elevator as it opened and unlocking the door. "Would you rather skip the polite niceties and go straight to the bedroom?"

"Suits me," Hiro said, his mouth going dry as Tohma gave him a heated glance over his shoulder and led him to his room.

Tohma flicked on the lights and stepped into his large, walk-in closet. Hiro observed him as he sat on the bed, watching curiously as the blond carefully removed his hat, coat and gloves, putting everything neatly in its place. Tohma appeared to be rather fastidious in his habits, not that Hiro was very surprised. Something about watching him shed the most iconic parts of his wardrobe seemed to really drive home just who it was that he intended on bedding. He suddenly felt a rush of nerves.

"I - I'll be right back," Hiro said, getting a curious glance from the keyboardist as he fled to the bathroom. He stood over the sink for a moment, and glanced up at his reflection, trying to channel some of the reckless bravado he'd had so much of last night, when he was simply seeing the man he'd had posters of in his bedroom, as the elusive and untouchable man behind a desk at NG.

He saw just how overly simplistic that perception was when he finally collected himself and re-entered the bedroom to find Tohma lying naked on the bed and beckoning him with a coy smile. He was so different in this moment than the image he tried to project to the public with his eccentric wardrobe, the large coats and layers that seemed to hide him, divert attention from the delicate beauty of his features. He was tall, but slender and pale, his large eyes and long neck giving him an appearance that was graceful, and simply lovely to behold. Hiro wondered if he'd been so nervous or horny before that he hadn't really looked at him, feeling like he was seeing something he really hadn't appreciated before.

"Are you just going to stare at me all night, Hiroshi-san?" Tohma asked with a pleased grin.

"I honestly think that I could," Hiro said, making his way quickly to the bed, shedding his shirt along the way.

Even with this being their third time together, it still surprised Hiro just how passionate a reserved and quietly calculating man like Seguchi Tohma was in bed. He kissed him with such intensity, touching him in ways that nearly drove him mad. There was something so uninhibited in his responses, the way he clung to him and cried out in pleasure.

Hiro felt something almost akin to fear as he tried to catch his breath afterwards, pulling from the man and rolling onto his back. He knew he was already getting in over his head, as he failed to imagine that anything else could ever feel this good. What had he gotten himself into?

"You don't mind if I stay the night again, do you?" Hiro asked when his breathing finally returned to normal, moving in against Tohma's back and kissing his shoulder.

"No, it's fine," Tohma said sleepily, pressing his body back, and giving an appreciative hum as Hiro wrapped his arms around him and nuzzled the crook of his neck. "Sleeping alone has been very strange."

"You miss her, don't you?" Hiro asked softly. He felt Tohma stiffen slightly in his arms, much to his frustration. Why could he make love to the man, but not ask him personal questions?

"I'm sorry," Hiro said. He felt Tohma sigh, as he turned around in his arms to face him. He was surprised when the man gave him a slight smile and a tender kiss, before burrowing the side of his face into his chest and relaxing.

"Let's just go to sleep now, okay?" Tohma asked with a yawn.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Hiro found himself alone in the bed, sitting up and stretching muscles that were still a bit sore from last night with a groan. He could see through the open door to the steamy bathroom that Tohma had recently showered, and looked at the bedside table to find his clothes gathered and neatly folded. He got out of bed and collected them, going into the bathroom to clean himself up and change, pulling his long hair back into a ponytail.

He found Tohma at the kitchen table in his robe, the paper in one hand and a teacup in the other. The morning light shone on his disheveled platinum hair, the ends still damp and clinging to his neck. Hiro took a deep breath, wondering if he would be welcomed, or abruptly shown the door again like last time.

"Good morning, Hiroshi-san. Did you sleep well?" Tohma asked, with a smile so bright that Hiro was unsure if it was chilling or sincere. He supposed the fact that they were still on a first name basis was a good enough sign, and relaxed.

"Like a baby," he said with a wink. Tohma looked pleased, making something as simple as taking a sip of his tea look refined.

"Would you prefer coffee or tea?" Tohma asked, sitting his cup and paper aside and rising.

"Coffee, if it isn't too much trouble," Hiro said, taking a seat at the table.

"Not at all. I thought I might make us omelets," Tohma said, walking to the pantry.

"That sounds excellent," Hiro said.

This was entirely too surreal, Hiro thought to himself, as he watched Seguchi Tohma humming to himself and making him breakfast in his bathrobe. If someone had told him a week ago, or hell, even yesterday that this would be happening…

His phone rang, and he winced with embarrassment at the Nittle Grasper ring tone that meant Shuichi was calling, glancing into the kitchen to see if Tohma had noticed it. He saw the man give a rather enigmatic smile as he cracked an egg into the mixing bowl.

"Hey Hiro, what are you up to? Yuki's really busy, and he's in one of his moods. I thought I might swing by," Shuichi chirped on the other end.

"No! Um, I mean, I'm not at home right now," Hiro said with an uneasy laugh.

"Oooh, I see," Shuichi said with a giggle. "And where would you be this early? Still someplace from last night?" Hiro fought not to groan at his friend's accurate guess.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Hiro asked in a forcefully playful tone.

"Of course I would, you jerk! We haven't hung out in a month! I need my Hiro time," Shuichi whined, making Hiro smile. He'd missed him so much that it hurt. But of course, when it came to Shuichi, those bittersweet pangs in his heart and stomach had always been par for the course.

"I'll be at NG today if you want to meet up for lunch or something," Hiro said.

"NG? Why are you hanging around there? We're not recording anything," Shuichi said, confused.

"Well, I might have been a bit productive while you've been gone," Hiro said self consciously. It was a bit of an understatement. He'd written around twenty songs, and he wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to share them.

"Really?" Shuichi asked, sounding uncertain. "You've been recording without me?"

"That's right, Shuichi. I'm going solo," Hiro said with a laugh. "Don't be freaked out or anything. I've just been, well, bored without you around." And lonely, Hiro thought. And kind of depressed. Oh, and fucking our boss.

"Well, I guess that's okay then," Shuichi said. "You're at least going to let me write the lyrics, right?" Oh, and I wrote the lyrics to some of the songs, too, Shuichi. And I don't know if I can convince you they're all about Ayaka.

"Of course, silly," Hiro said. I love it when you write lyrics about how much you love Yuki for songs I wrote about how much I love you. It's great.

"Awesome! I can't wait to hear them! Send me a text when you get there," Shuichi said. Hiro said goodbye and hung up the phone.

"Shindou-san, I presume?" Tohma asked, placing spinach and feta cheese omelet before him, complete with garnish. Hiro nodded.

"This looks amazing, Tohma-san," Hiro said, then paused, looking at him to gauge his reaction. He'd never addressed him by anything other than Seguchi-san.

"Thank you. My omelets actually are pretty amazing," Tohma said cheerfully, returning to the kitchen to bring him his coffee, and to get his own plate. He slid back into his seat beside him, Hiro catching a tantalizing glimpse of his thighs as he crossed his legs beneath his robe. His gaze rose to Tohma's long, perfectly manicured fingers as they deftly unrolled a cloth napkin into his lap with a flourish.

"They do look good, but I assure you they're best when eaten," Tohma said teasingly upon noticing Hiro's distraction. Hiro blushed and gave and embarrassed laugh, before lifting his fork.

Hiro had gone home not long after breakfast, after Tohma had politely mentioned that he had business to attend to. It was hardly as abrupt as the last morning's dismissal, but still left him with no further clues as to what exactly this whole thing he had going on with the older man was. There was no goodbye kiss, no mentions of another rendezvous tonight, and nothing particularly personal in what little conversing they'd had over their meal. Hiro still wasn't completely sure what to make of this situation or how he felt about it. It was exciting and frustrating at the same time, really.

He stopped by his place for long enough to shower and change, agonizing for a moment over stuffing another change of clothes into his bag, before deciding to hell with it and grabbing a shirt and boxers on his way out. He was going to the studio a bit earlier than usual so that he could meet up with Shuichi, as he had intended to arrange for them to meet there. There was one track at least that he had set aside especially for the singer to play with. While Shuichi did not have the talent Suguru did with arrangements, he felt this particular composition played to Shuichi's strengths lyrically and musically, and he couldn't wait to see the look on his friend's face when he heard it. He knew that while Shuichi enjoyed his lyric writer and lead singer status, it had always been a little bit of a sore spot for him that he had been pushed to give up working on the instrumental aspect of their music.

He took his usual route to the small studio on the top floor, saying hello to Sakano and K on the way, and walked into the little booth that had become a second home over the course of the past month. Even in all the time he'd spent there, he'd only now begun to notice the little things that had escaped him before, the things about the room that were indelibly linked to the man who had designed it. It had the same color scheme and couch as his own apartment. The keyboard and piano were Tohma's preferred brand. There was even a picture of the NG president standing between Yuki and his wife hanging on the wall that he had never paid much mind to before. If he breathed deeply enough, he could even catch the slightest scent of the man about the place. He sat at the piano and closed his eyes for a moment, when he heard someone open the door behind him.

"I thought I'd finally look in on your progress in here," Tohma said, walking towards him with a smile. "I have been tempted a few times to have a listen to the playbacks, but since this has been a more personal project, I thought I'd wait for your permission."

"You know, I've been so into with my own things in here, that I never really thought much about all the freedom you've given me, letting me come here so much," Hiro said. Tohma gave a small sigh, joining him once more at the piano, his gloved fingers lovingly gliding over the keys for a moment.

"Yes, I'm aware it is a bit unprecedented," Tohma said. "I'm a rather observant person, Hiroshi-san, and I am especially prone to file away information I feel may be to my benefit down the line. One of the things I noticed rather early on when I signed Bad Luck, was that you were clearly in love with Shuichi-san. I thought at one time this might prove useful should he prove to not be the best thing for Eiri-san."

"So you thought that you could use me to throw a wrench into the situation," Hiro said with a tight-lipped frown.

"It was nothing motivated by cruelty, I assure you," Tohma said. "I thought perhaps the two of you were a better fit, and that Eiri-san would be able to free himself from a mutually destructive situation. But when I finally did accept that their relationship was hardly a fleeting thing, I knew that you had very likely done the same."

"So, you let me find a way to distract myself out of pity," Hiro said, his hair falling over his eyes as he gazed down. Tohma looked up from the keyboard at him, laying a hand on his elbow and shaking his head.

"I'm not really the kind of person who is prone to pity, Hiroshi," Tohma said. "It was more a matter of respect, actually, of knowing the burden of always having to love from afar, of loving so deeply that you sacrifice yourself to make the ones you love happy. I wanted to help you in some way, because I felt it might ease my own pain somehow."

Hiro looked at him, surprised at the unguarded expression on the face of a man who always seemed to be so in control, and frightened of the way it pulled at his heart to think that this man had been watching him, that he had been touched by feelings that Hiro had held so tightly inside himself that he had never dreamed anyone else had noticed.

"Are you in love with Yuki-san?" Hiro asked, not entirely sure he wanted to know the answer. Tohma shook his head.

"I do love him, yes, and far more than I should," Tohma said. "But my desires for him are not the kind that you are thinking. I have always felt deeply responsible for Eiri-san, and it is his happiness and well-being that comes first."

Hiro felt that there was much unsaid in this statement, but had lost the determination to press the matter, as he sensed the unease and melancholy he had caused with his question. He touched Tohma's face, the other man turning his gaze to him, and kissed him softly.

"It doesn't matter," Hiro said. "Thank you, Tohma."

Tohma's eyes softened, and he returned the kiss, which deepened, Tohma's velvet gloved fingers closing around his neck as their tongues met and they drew closer together.

In their distraction, they didn't notice that the door had opened behind them, until they broke away quickly and turned around at Shuichi's startled gasp.

OoOoO

Shindou-san stands there, gaping like a fish, as I try to make my exit as calmly as possible. I steal a glance at Hiro on my way towards the door. He still looks stunned, and I feel slightly guilty leaving him alone in this situation, but assume it is for the best to give the friends privacy in such an awkward moment.

So, I suppose the proverbial cat has been released from his bag, I think with a shake of my head as I walk back towards my office. I should have known better than to be so careless. It is quite unlike me, and I wonder if perhaps in some way I actually wished for something like this to happen, to at last lay some sort of claim on my new toy.

Soon Eiri-san would know that I had taken an attractive teenaged boy as my lover. Even K cannot cover up this one. Unless, of course, I had him shoot Shindou-san, I think to myself with a smile. Don't worry, I'm only joking. Really.

Never mind, though. This, I suppose, was inevitable from the moment he kissed me last night, when I'd realized just how badly I had wanted that kiss to happen.

I had been as giddy as a schoolgirl this morning, making him breakfast, taking care of him, I think, rolling my eyes, as I reenter my office. I love taking care of others, as evidenced by my attraction to complicated men who always seem to need me, like Ryuichi-san, and of course my beloved Eiri. Perhaps it because I was never taken care of myself. My mother was an aloof, cold-hearted bitch, truth be known.

Mika-san had never needed me for anything outside of the money and status I provided her, while little Eiri-san had attached himself to me from the day we met. He'd filled a void in my life that I had never even known was there. That beautiful, intelligent child who was once my shadow was now but a shadow of himself because I had failed to protect him.

It isn't long before Sakano is rushing into my office with something easily fixed presented as a disaster, the phone begins ringing off the hook, and I am allowed to push these things aside for a while.

OoOoO

Shuichi stands in the doorway for a long moment after Tohma exits the room before he speaks.

"Hiro? Did I just catch you making out with - with Seguchi Tohma?" Shuichi asks.

"I thought you weren't coming for another hour," Hiro said.

"Well, yeah, but I was up anyway, and Yuki's all pissy because I used his computer and claims I downloaded some virus, and - hey! Don't change the subject! What the hell is going on with you, Hiro? I'm gone for a month, and not only are you making out with guys, you're making out with the scariest man in Tokyo?" Shuichi asked, his voice growing louder with every word.

"Damn it, Shuichi, calm down. And shut the door behind you," Hiro said with a sigh. Shuichi came in and closed the door, sitting on the small sofa facing him.

"Now will you tell me what the hell is going on? Is he blackmailing you or something? Is he threatening to fire you, or kill your family?" Shuichi asked, getting worked up again and bouncing in his seat. Hiro shook his head, placing a hand to his face.

"No Shuichi, no one is threatening to kill anyone. We - we've just sort of started, well, seeing each other - kind of," Hiro said, not sure he knew how to explain what was going on between him and the NG president when he wasn't sure he understood what it was yet himself. Shuichi was still looking at him like his brain was broken.

"But he's married!" Shuichi said, raising his hands. "And you're straight!" Yeah, he knew that was coming, Hiro thought to himself with a frown.

"Tohma-san's marriage is over, Shuichi. The baby she miscarried wasn't his, and they've been talking about divorce for a while now. You can ask Yuki-san. He probably knows all about it," Hiro said.

"Mika-san had an affair?" Shuichi asked. Hiro nodded.

"And the - um - you being straight thing?" Shuichi asked, eyeing him curiously.

"Not as straight as you apparently thought I was," Hiro said with a shrug. "In fact, I always had a little crush on Tohma-san when we were in school. I just never really saw any reason to mention it. I mean, it's not like you ever told me you liked Sakuma-san that way." Hiro added the last part a bit more bitterly than he'd meant to, but Shuichi didn't pick up on it.

"Tohma-san," Shuichi spat, wrinkling his nose. "So, you're really dating him now? This is just beyond weird."

"Well, I don't know if dating is exactly the word," Hiro said uneasily, rubbing the back of his neck. "But yeah, we do have something going on. It wasn't really anything we planned. It just sort of happened the other night."

"You're sleeping with him?" Shuichi asked, his eyes growing wide. "But you - you've never - with _Tohma_?" Hiro couldn't help but give an embarrassed smile.

"Holy shit, this is weird," Shuichi said, standing up and pacing. "I thought maybe you were old-fashioned or something, or just hadn't found the right one - but Tohma?"

"Why does this bother you so much?" Hiro asked. Shuichi stopped pacing and turned to him.

"Because he's dangerous, Hiro! Do you not remember the whole demand I break up with Yuki or my career is over incident? And that Yuki broke up with me because he was afraid Tohma was going to do something insane? He's the kind of person who won't stop at anything to get his way. For all we know, he's killed people!" Shuichi ranted.

_You mean like Yuki-san?_ Hiro thought bitterly, knowing when to hold his tongue. He'd never felt like Shuichi had exactly settled upon a prince himself.

"Don't you think that you're overreacting just a little bit?" Hiro asked. "Look, I'm not going to claim to understand or defend everything he's ever done. I'm really just now getting to know him. He's a complicated person. I would think you of all people would understand."

"I guess so," Shuichi said with a frown. "I'm just a worried about how trustworthy someone like Seguchi-san is. I don't want you to get hurt is all." Hiro smiled at him, reaching over and ruffling his soft, pink hair.

"Don't worry, Shuichi. A little heartbreak hasn't killed me yet," Hiro said. Shuichi looked slightly confused, as Hiro stood and walked over to the mixing table. "So, do you want to hear a song I wrote for you while you were gone?"

"Yeah, of course!" Shuichi said, hopping out of his seat and walking over to join him. Hiro opened the laptop on the table, opening the program to play the file.

"So, um, how was it? Your first time?" Shuichi asked with a smirk. Hiro paused for a moment, watching the program load, then gave Shuichi a side-long glance, grinning widely.

"That good, huh?" Shuichi asked with a laugh. "Did it hurt a lot? I know it did when Yuki and I started doing things."

"Um, well, actually," Hiro said, giving Shuichi a look.

"Uh-uh, no way," Shuichi said and doubled over in laughter. "Seguchi Tohma's an uke?"

"Not so loud," Hiro said irritably, despite the room being sound-proofed.

"Come on, you've got to admit it's a little funny," Shuichi said with a titter.

"Oh, grow up," Hiro said, bonking him on the head playfully with his fist. "It's not like we've established some rule about it. It's just the way things have sort of gone so far."

"Hey, I'm jealous, if anything. Yuki never lets me top," Shuichi grumbled, then looked at him curiously. "So, you're saying you wouldn't mind if he wanted to switch it up?" Hiro shrugged.

"I don't know, I haven't really thought about it, but I don't see why not. I mean, he really seems to enjoy it," Hiro said.

"Does he now?" Shuichi said, waggling his eyebrows.

"What can I say?" Hiro said with a grin, shrugging. " I definitely haven't been getting any complaints."

"You really do like him, don't you?" Shuichi said, looking at him with wonder. "I mean, this is the happiest I've seen you since the whole Ayaka thing."

Hiro glanced back down at the computer, searching for the right file. He had liked Ayaka, she was sweet and very pretty, and he had wanted to get to know her better, but he knew the real reason he had seemed down enough for even someone as thick-skulled as Shuichi to notice had much more to do with Shuichi himself. He supposed his brave face wasn't as convincing as he'd thought, and it was a small relief to have his brief time dating Yuki's former fiancée to blame it on.

"You really think so?" Hiro asked. He wasn't sure he was quite ready to over-analyze how he felt about Tohma just yet.

"Well, yeah. I mean, I was surprised how much you and Ayaka breaking up seemed to get to you since you hadn't really known each other very long, but you looked so sad when Yuki and I left on our trip. You usually never let anything get to you like that. And now you seem, I dunno, happier.

I may not be Tohma-san's biggest fan, but I am a fan of you being happy, so go get 'em tiger!" Shuichi said with a goofy laugh, giving him a slap on the back.

"Well, I'm certainly relieved to have your blessing," Hiro said sarcastically and smiled.

OoOoO

I have decided to turn the reigns over to Sakano-san and take a very long break from NG for dinner. Eiri doesn't eat well when he's trying to meet a deadline, and this recent trip with Shindou-san has nearly pushed him past it. And of course, I have missed him.

He greets me with the surly lack of enthusiasm I expected from showing up unannounced at his door with all the makings of a gourmet meal, but I can tell by the way he eyes my bags that he is actually starving. Shindou-san is nowhere to be found, to my delight, and I find a scrawled note on the refrigerator announcing that he has gone to the movies with his sister, surrounded by a nauseating amount of little drawn hearts, as I sit my bags on the counter.

"And where is Shindou-san this evening?" I ask, solely to amuse myself. Eiri shrugs.

"Brat was whining earlier about how I wasn't paying enough attention to him. Who the hell knows?" he mutters. If Shindou-san had really expected Eiri to see his note, he'd chosen a poor place to put it. He'll never understand Eiri like I do.

Eiri presents me with a marvelous aged bourbon, while I unpack the bags, along with a set of crystal glasses to drink it from. One of them is cracked, no doubt courtesy of Shindou-san, though he claims it occurred in transit. His eyes dart in a very particular manner when he lies. Nevertheless, I am pleased by the thoughtfulness of the gift and give him a peck on the cheek in thanks. He could do with a shave.

I am well into preparing the first course before he makes any attempt at conversation other than some muttered remark when he finally does find Shindou's note while getting a beer. He doesn't drink when he writes, so if I hadn't come by he'd still be wondering where Shindou-san had run off to, as if he isn't under enough stress.

"So, I hear you're currently fucking Nakano-san," he drawls as he exhales smoke from his cigarette. So I guess Shindou-san did find the opportunity to get Eiri to listen to his chatter today when he came home from his lunch with Hiro.

"I'm currently chopping onions for our Tsukune," I say airily. "But yes, I have slept with him. What of it?"

"What are you up to?" Eiri asks, eyeing me suspiciously. I give a little snort of laughter.

"I wasn't aware you solely owned the inclination to take young lovers, Eiri-san," I say, clearing the chopping board into a bowl.

"And I suppose it is mere coincidence that your young lover is the closest friend of my own, huh?" Eiri says, instinctually checking on a simmering pot of rice on the stove. I'm the one who taught Eiri to cook. He used to help me in the kitchen all the time when he was younger, always asking questions.

"Not everything is about you, Eiri-san," I say, trying to keep a straight face, as he raises an eyebrow. "Besides, I would think that you would be at least a little glad that someone else has finally occupied Hiroshi's attention."

"What, you think I'm seriously threatened by that little punk?" Eiri said. He tosses it off so dismissively, but I can tell by the way his nostrils ever so slightly flare that I've struck a nerve. I really should be ashamed of myself, playing on Eiri's delicate insecurities in such a way.

"Not so little, actually," I say with a smile. "In any case, no, I don't expect you to feel threatened. Shindou-san clearly adores you. I just imagine that having someone pining for your lover in clear sight all the time is probably tiresome."

"And you think you're the one to put an end to all that pining," Eiri says with a smirk. And now it is my nerve that is struck. Eiri always does give as good as he gets. Except of course in things like showing tireless love, patience and devotion. Those things he takes and takes and never returns. But of course, my debt will never truly be paid, so who am I to begrudge him?

"For once, Eiri, I'm not trying to solve anyone's problems but my own," I say with a weary sigh. His eyes widen. It isn't often that I surprise him, and I rather enjoy it.

"Well forgive me for not being used to you not having some sort of agenda," Eiri says, clearly still skeptical.

"Eiri-san, I am a man who has discovered his wife of ten years has been seeing someone else. I am on the verge of what is sure to be a bitter divorce, that will result in losing the only real family I have. My only agenda at the moment is to keep my sanity," I say, as evenly as I can manage, keeping my back to him and trying to focus on preparing dinner.

"And sanity is screwing someone a decade younger than you," Eiri said. "Sounds more like some mid-life crisis shit to me."

"Sanity is not turning away from someone when they are offering what you need," I say, grating ginger into the bowl. "Or did I neglect to mention that he was the one who asked me out for drinks? So perhaps you can stop painting him as Little Red Riding Hood to my Big Bad Wolf."

"So what you're saying is that in this fairy tale you're the damsel in distress to his Prince Charming," Eiri said. I turn my head to glare at the little smirk I know he's wearing.

"So now you're just going to make fun of me," I say. "If you're going to be condescending on top of cranky then go wait at the table. And by the way, thirty-one hardly counts as mid-life, thank you very much."

"Yes, Oniisan," Eiri says, and leaves the room.

I stand there, completely stunned for a long moment at what I've just heard. It is the first time he has addressed me as his brother since he was sixteen years old. My heart soars, and I want so badly to follow him and return this unexpected show of love. But I know better than to ruin such a rare moment, and simply cherish it in silence.

But that has always been Eiri's way. Just when you think you can't take his coldness anymore, when he almost has you convinced that he truly does despise you, he'll win you back with one little word.

_A/N: Feedback is cherished. :)_


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